Comfort and fear.
When it comes to achieving your goals, I have come to the conclusion that it is basically two things that stop us from reaching them, or follow them, or indeed fulfil them. It is comfort and fear. I speak here from my own experience, and you may not agree with the way I see it, but let’s see if my experience can shed some light on this. Sometimes they go hand in hand, but let try to explain how I see it. We need a bit of organized chaos to develop and take us further, explanation is below.
Many times I have both seen and experienced that comfort or inactivity or even laziness have put a stop to the further development and to some extent also prevented me and others to develop. I think all of us as a dream within us to do something we do not do right now. In many cases, this dream has been there for countless years, but, “I am ok, it rolls on …” appears as a small phrase. We are satisfied with what we have, somehow moderately happy, not totally satisfied, but quite ok. We find ourselves rebuke and accept that we sit where we sit. We still have our dream, but … Why tempt fate, why should I challenge myself? I have it pretty good, I go to work, or whatever we have to do during the day, I get my salary and Friday is almost here anyway when I can relax and enjoy it a little bit. Many times, it has been said before and I say it again, we live to work and not the other way around, work to live. Imagine if it was possible to combine the two. Find something fun to do while I can combine the two. A little story:
I had a chat with a person not so long ago, which aimed to get to Ireland and work. He had for the moment a job in Spain, but he had also applied for a job in Ireland and now they wanted him there. However, he had received some other assignments, and life went on as usual. We talked for a long time and he complained that he mentioned that the life in Spain kept him busy to a reasonable degree. I asked if he was happy with his life and he replied that he had come to a place and everything was ok, nothing to complain about. I asked again if he was really happy with his life when he had applied for that job and it was thee job he really wanted. “Well, it’s working here, I have found myself content somewhat.” he replied. “Really?” was my reaction. The discussion took a completely different turn and he meant that ok, he would really like to have the job in Ireland, but that he had now begun to acclimatize in Spain and he got the days to pass by and that he was quite ok with the situation. However, as it emerged that it might be a good idea to check back and, I rarely give advice, ask him what was the worst thing that could happen.
Silence and I heard how the thinking went on. The worst thing that could possibly happen was that he had to return to Spain. The best thing I asked. Now, the discussion got really heated. It was this he wanted to do, it was this he had wished for, it was this that he longed for.
The discussion ended, he thanked me for another point of view, and two weeks later he was sitting on the plane to Ireland. The thing is that he is there now, established and now have great success at his job. And he is like a fish in the water, he is living his dream.
The above is an example of what one hand comfort combined with fear can do to stop you from living your dream. I turn now to the fear and do what I can to straighten out some questions and determine the order of what I mean.
I have found out that fear is the biggest obstacle for us to take us further and achieve our dreams. Again, it’s a highly personal observation, and there are certainly those who have a different point of view on this. However, I want to give you some of my own experiences about this.
I recently made a change, as some friends believe as brave and bold, I sold everything I had in Sweden, took my things I didn’t sold and I left and moved to East Africa, to Tanzania. It took me about 10 years of longing, dreams and journeys to get to where I am now. What almost was stopping me was when I finally got a job, was that stupid fear. Fear of failure, fear of not belonging and the fear of making the wrong choice.
However, I took myself together and realized that I was about to plunge the chance and the opportunity to move to East Africa. When I got the job I was asked when I could start, and my answer was: “When do you want me to start?” “I want you to start in about five weeks.” Hmmm, that was not what I had planned and I began to find excuses how I would do so the job would fit into my plans, however, I became aware that I was getting scared, I found excuses sprung from fear. With this, I asked myself as I always do when deciding on me: “What’s the worst that can happen and what is the best that can happen?” With that as a starting point, I realized fairly quickly that the worst that could happen was I would return to Sweden with my tail between my legs. The best part was that I would live my dream. There and then it became sooo much easier to decide.
I now live my dream, it is also challenging some days, but the fact remains, I’m living my dream, I removed the fear and dared to take the step. Brave or not, I’m here now, in the middle of Africa.
I have also to see that fear from the environment you have sometimes been close to stop me in my pursue. “What If you…” phrase has been there as a red rag. “Think of if you …” is another. “How will you do if …” a third, and there are many more examples of what the environment can do to stop you. Their fear becomes your fear. Another small sweet tale:
A young woman had fallen in love with a young man in a different school class. She really thought that he was the one for her. But she did not dare share her feelings for him and to him, prompting it to become a state of vacuum. Nothing happened. She was sad and cross and thought everything was crap and shit. In conversations with her about this, it appeared and came clear that she was afraid to get a no, and that the ‘no’ the whole school would know about and that she liked someone and that he had turned her down. No, God save me for this disgrace, so no, nothing would happen from her side, he would probably understand that she liked her. I asked, as usual, what the worst was and she pointed out acidly that she had already said this, the whole school would know and she would appear as a stupid one. “The best thing that can happen then …?” Yes, but that’s another story. But no, no way she would put herself in that place. Time passed and nothing happened. She remained a little grumpy and grouchy, but one day I saw a change, a happy and exuberant young woman. Of course I was curious and asked. She had thought about it a bit and understood about what was the best and in the end she realized that the best option was the only one so she walked up to the young man and asked straight out what he thought of her because she had warm feelings for him. They were together for over two years, so the answer is clear what he thought about her.
Do not let the comfort and fear stop you. It is like poison for your body and mind. It is like a wall that stops you, Comfort and Fear is something you can do without and you will be amazed at the results. I know that you can if you want. Live your dream and let the world marvel at how brave you are.